So you're thinking of riding flatland...

Some things to consider:

-- Your wrists, forearms, and elbows will hurt from supporting your body and bike weights at unnatural angles, a common malady among flat riders.

-- Flatland bikes and their little itty-bitty gears are the most inefficient so-called modes of "transportation" ever.

-- You'll find that riding a lighter bike is less tiring and easier, and therefore more fun. You'll simultaneously find that lightening your bike by 4 ounces (the weight of a cup of yogurt) can easily run you 50 bucks in new parts.

-- Safe, flat, uncrowded places with sufficient room to practice aren't as commonplace as you might think: security guards will kick you out of parking lots. Neighbors will kick you off the tennis court. Even trailer trash will kick you out of the trailer park.

-- And when it's raining or dark outside? Even harder to find a good spot.

-- Basics like a Hang 5 and even a Peg Wheelie are not nearly as easy as they look.


-- Mistakes in a hobby such as music involve sounding bad and looking foolish. Mistakes in riding flatland involve pain and injury.

-- In basketball, you might get lucky and hit a full-court shot. In golf, you might get lucky and hit a hole in one. But you will never, ever, ever, as long as you live, pull off a Hitchhiker just by luck.

-- That Hitchhiker trick was invented around 1988. So once you master that one, you're still twenty years behind the times.

-- Everyone's heard of Michael Jordan and Wayne Gretzky. Even Mat Hoffman and Tony Hawk have become huge. But almost no one has heard of Kevin Jones, and most people would think that "Chase Gouin" is the name of an i-banking firm.

-- You'll lose strength when riding takes up your free time that otherwise could have been spent at the gym.

-- This, because riding is fulfilling in a way that lifting an extra ten pounds could never be; and any day that includes a session feels like a day well spent.

The one that they (we?) march with

These are the words to one of my favorite songs of the year so far, "Put You On Game" by Lupe Fiasco. I wonder if it was at all inspired by The Screwtape Letters ...

Don't you know that I run this place
And I've begun this race
Must I rerun this pace?
I'm the reason it's become this way
And their love for it is the reason I have become this praised
They love my darkness
I make them heartless
And in return they have become my martyrs
I've been in the poem of many a poet
And I reside in the art of many a artist
Some of your smartest have tried to articulate my whole part in this
But they're fruitless in their harvest
The 'dro grows from my footsteps
I'm the one that they follow
I am the one that they march with
Through the back alleys and the black markets
The Oval Offices, the crackhouses and apartments
Through the mazes of the queens
The pages of the sages and the chambers of the kings
Through the veins of the fiends
A paper chaser's pager, yo I'm famous on the scene
One of the oldest, most ancient-est of things
Speak every single language on the planet, 'naw mean?
I am the American dream
The rape of Africa
The undying machine
The overpriced medicine
The murderous regime
The tough guy's front and the one behind the scenes
I am the blood of this city
It's gas, water, and electricity
I'm its gym and its math and its history,
The gunshots in the class
And you can't pass if you're missin, G
I taught them better than that
I taught them aim for the head
And hope they never come back
I'm glad your daddy's gone, baby,
Hope he never comes back
I hope he's with your mother with my hustlers high in my trap
I hope you die in his trash
I can't help it, all I hear when you're crying is laughs
I'm sure somebody'll find you tied in this bag
Behind the hospital, little baby crack addicts had,
Then maybe you can grow up to be a stripper
A welfare-receiving prostitute and gold digger
You can watch on TV
How they should properly depict you
The rivers should flow with liquors
Quench your thirst on my elixirs
I am the safe haven for the rebel, runaway, and the resistor
The trusted misleader
The number one defender
And from a throne of their bones I rule
These fools are my fuel so I make them cool
Baptize them in the water out of Scarface pool
And feed 'em from the table that held the Corleones' food
If you die, tell them that you played my game
I hope your bullet holes become mouths that say my name

15

Starting in March, I'm going to be playing in a basketball league with some coworkers. The company is sponsoring us, so we're gonna have uniforms and everything. It'll be neat to play with actual referees, substitutions, and a clock.

I've elected to wear #15, in honor of our anniversary date. But if that sounds too mushy, I can just tell people that it's Carmelo Anthony's number.


Also, Vince Carter.

Halcyon Era

Doesn't that sound like it would be a good title for a video game?

It's also descriptive of the way things have been going for me lately:

-- Someone close to me is getting a new job where she can work from home.
-- My new bike came! I'm working on doing backward steamrollers (video explanation later).
-- FIRST PLACE in both my fantasy leagues as of this week.
-- Almost 31, but playing the best basketball of my life.
-- Still able to make those mortgage payments!
-- Due for a raise in March.
-- VEGAS BABY VEGAS for my cousin's birthday next month.
-- Kevin Love and co. are going all the way this year.
-- The Trojans are not.
-- Slayed some 'SC alums at poker last night.
-- Crushed the competition (Erika) at Scrabble, also last night. "Reacquaints" for a Double-Word Score and 34 points, anyone?
-- Two NBA games on KCAL this week (we don't have cable).
-- A friend has got a new lady. I haven't seen her yet, but E reports that she is real cute. Go Big Dave!

Rap music fantasy league - epilogue

Well, I found out I didn't win my rap music fantasy league for 4th quarter 2007. I placed 23rd out of 46, so I was halfway down the list. I'm doing about the same in one of my fantasy NBA leagues as well; however, I currently hold 1st place in my other NBA league.

T-Pain performed well for me, but apparently Alicia Keys would've been the most valuable pick for R&B singer (R&B singers are like centers: your team is required to include one). I was right on the money with Jay-Z, Lil Wayne and TI; but Beanie Sigel, Nas, and Eminem were a bust like Gilbert Arenas. Pimp C - because he died recently - turned out to be the Chris Kaman of that league.

Oh well, back to basketball...

2008 DK Signal

Ordered this bad boy earlier today, can't wait til it comes.

Saltine Challenge

I have confirmed the worthiness of the Saltine Challenge.

The challenge consists of eating six (6) Saltine brand crackers, without any drink, in 60 seconds or less.

Sounds simple enough, doesn't it? But the salt and crumbs from the crackers dry out your mouth to such an extent that it takes longer than you would think to swallow them.

When I had not yet finished my first two crackers at the 20-second mark, I knew I would soon meet defeat. I only managed to finish four by the 60-second mark.

I think that if I had used some stale crackers, it might had been doable. But the ones I used were still salty and full of resistance, so the Saltine Challenge added one more to its list of the vanquished.